Podcast · Perfectly Human
Relationships are the most valuable part of our lives, yet nobody ever taught us how they work
Latest episode
Season 1 · Episode 10
Entschuldigung annehmen: Warum Loslassen so schwerfällt
Jemand entschuldigt sich bei dir, und trotzdem kannst du die Entschuldigung nicht annehmen. Du willst loslassen, aber der Ärger bleibt, kommt beim Einschlafen wieder hoch und nimmt mehr Raum ein, als dir lieb ist. Manchmal macht dich ein „Komm, lass uns einen …
About Perfectly Human
Psychology for what actually happens between people
Appreciation is felt but never expressed. In a meeting, nobody asks a question, even though nobody has understood. A piece of feedback is accurate, yet still feels like an attack. Perfectly Human is a podcast about exactly these situations in our relationships: with a partner, in families, in friendships and at work.
Why such situations keep happening usually has less to do with intentions than with the mechanisms behind them: patterns of judgement that are faster than our thinking. Threats to our sense of self-worth that arise in conversation without anyone meaning them to. Untested assumptions about how the other person sees the situation.
Each episode takes up one such topic and explores it on a sound scientific footing: what lies behind it, why it happens and what can be changed. Once we understand what goes on in our relationships, we can actively shape them rather than simply reacting.
Perfectly Human does not mean that we or our relationships should be perfect or flawless. Misunderstandings, conflicts and conversations that go wrong are not failures. They are simply human. And they can be understood, which means they can be changed.
Listen to the podcast
Never miss a new episode
The episodes are in German. If you would like a sense of how I think and work, you are very welcome to listen in.
You can listen to the podcast here on this page or subscribe on the platform of your choice, so you never miss an episode.
Further reading
The psychology of our relationships, in writing
Alongside the podcast, I am gradually publishing articles that explore the psychological concepts behind each episode. If you prefer reading to listening, you will find the same approach here in written form. English versions of the articles will follow over time.
Episodes in brief
What each episode is about
The episodes are in German. Here is a short English summary of each one. The titles link to the German episode pages with chapters and references.
Episode 10
Accepting an apology: why letting go is so hard
Why an apology sometimes does not land: rumination, the timing of the conversation and personality factors such as sensitivity to injustice. With strategies for the heated moment and the REACH model, which frames forgiveness as a deliberate choice – without condoning what happened.
Episode 09
Apologising: weakness or courage?
Why apologising can feel like defeat, what silence after a conflict really costs, and the six components of an effective apology – including why acknowledging what happened matters more than simply saying sorry.
Episode 08
Why we sometimes miss what matters in relationships
Social comparison and romantic scripts from films shape unrealistic expectations, and hedonic adaptation means that even fulfilled wishes rarely satisfy for long. The key is to distinguish between expectations, wishes and needs – and to ask whether one person really has to meet all of them.
Episode 07
Hearing is not the same as listening
We think faster than others speak and often hear what we expect rather than what is said – usually without noticing. Why genuine listening matters so much for our relationships, and how a beginner’s mindset can change your next conversation.
Episode 06
Deep relationships need this one risk
Real closeness requires us to show ourselves, yet we judge our own vulnerability more harshly than others do. How closeness grows through gradual self-disclosure, and why rejection is rarely what it feels like.
Episode 05
Feeling understood: why we need it and how it works
Why understanding so often fails even when both sides want it – from the perspective-taking gap to the urge to offer solutions – and why being understood is a basic human need. With practical tools for being understood and for helping others feel heard.
Episode 04
Receiving feedback: why we react more strongly than we intend
Why feedback can hit harder than expected, through self-serving bias, threats to self-worth and cognitive dissonance. Drawing on appraisal theory, the episode shows how to read your own reaction as information, with a simple three-step approach and a look at unfair feedback.
Episode 03
Giving feedback that lands
Feedback rarely fails because of the wording; it fails because of what was missing beforehand. Four questions – about the other person’s motivation, the areas open to feedback and your own intentions – decide whether it can land at all.
Episode 02
Appreciation: why we want it but rarely express it
Most of us wish for more appreciation, yet seldom voice the appreciation we feel. The episode looks at the negativity bias and habituation, at what happens to us when we actively show appreciation, and at how specific recognition differs from praise.
Episode 01
Why discussions escalate – and what you can do about it
Why disagreement can feel like a personal attack even when it is not. Two mechanisms are at work: we see our own view as more objective than it is, and we tie our ideas to our sense of self-worth. The episode ends with one small change in wording that can shift the dynamic.
All previous episodes
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Season 1 · Episode 09
Sich entschuldigen: Schwäche oder Mut? Wie wir Fehler reparieren
Du weißt, dass du dich eigentlich entschuldigen solltest, und tust es trotzdem nicht. Nicht, weil dir die Person egal wäre, sondern weil etwas in dir sagt: bloß nicht. Sich zu entschuldigen fühlt sich für viele nach Nachgeben an. Dabei ist es das direkteste …
Kapitel und Quellen → -
Season 1 · Episode 08
Warum wir in Beziehungen manchmal das Wesentliche übersehen
Warum kann ich das nicht auch haben? Die enge Verbindung, die eine Freundin zu ihrer Mutter hat. Das leichte Sozialleben von jemand anderem. Was wir dabei übersehen: Wir sehen immer nur Ausschnitte, nie das Ganze. Und aus diesen Ausschnitten entstehen …
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Season 1 · Episode 07
Hören ist nicht gleich zuhören: Was dazwischen passiert
Du hörst zu, und trotzdem kommt bei dir nicht immer an, was gesagt wurde. Nicht weil dich das Thema nicht interessiert, sondern weil echtes Zuhören schwerer ist, als es klingt. Unser Gehirn ist schneller als das gesprochene Wort, und genau das steht uns oft …
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Season 1 · Episode 06
Tiefe Beziehungen brauchen dieses eine Risiko
Wir wollen echte Verbindung. Und tun gleichzeitig alles dafür, uns so zu zeigen, dass möglichst nichts schiefgehen kann. Was dabei auf der Strecke bleibt, ist genau die Nähe, die wir uns eigentlich wünschen.
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Season 1 · Episode 05
Sich verstanden fühlen: Warum wir es brauchen und wie es gelingt
Du erzählst jemandem von einem schwierigen Moment und bekommst statt Verständnis eine Lösung vorgeschlagen. Du wolltest nicht repariert werden. Du wolltest verstanden werden. Warum misslingt genau das so oft, obwohl beide Seiten es wollen? Und was kannst du …
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Season 1 · Episode 04
Feedback bekommen: Warum wir stärker reagieren als gewollt
Feedback bekommen klingt einfach und fühlt sich trotzdem oft falsch an. Nicht weil das Feedback schlecht war, sondern weil etwas in uns darauf reagiert, das wir nicht vollständig steuern können.
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Season 1 · Episode 03
Feedback geben, das wirklich ankommt
Du hast Feedback gegeben. Gut gemeint. Aber es kam nicht gut an?
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Season 1 · Episode 02
Wertschätzung: Warum wir sie wollen, aber selber selten geben
Die meisten Menschen wünschen sich mehr Wertschätzung in ihren Beziehungen. Dieselben Menschen sprechen Wertschätzung selbst kaum aus, obwohl sie sie empfinden.
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Season 1 · Episode 01
Warum Diskussionen eskalieren – und was du dagegen tun kannst
Du wolltest eine Lösung finden. Irgendwann fühlt sich das Gespräch wie ein Kampf an. Niemand wollte kämpfen. Und trotzdem ist es genau so gelaufen.
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Trailer
Perfectly Human – Trailer
Wir leben in einer Zeit, in der wir ständig verbunden sind, und uns trotzdem immer häufiger voneinander entfernen. Echte Beziehungen sind nicht effizient. Nicht perfekt. Nicht immer leicht. Sie sind menschlich. Genau darum geht es in diesem Podcast.
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What question is on your mind?
Many episodes grow out of questions I am asked or topics that come up in psychological conversations. If there is a topic on your mind that has not been covered yet, I would love to hear from you.
Please do not share any confidential details here. For personal concerns, the contact form is the better route. If you provide your name or email address, they will be sent to me together with your message. The email address is used solely to let you know when an episode on your topic is released. It will not be shared with third parties. You can find more information in my privacy policy.
